Uptown Girl
by Wario the TableMan
Summary: Loss is a terrible thing. Luckily, family never gives up on you, no matter what.


"Chahmee!" crooned Vector, slapping his fat belly after having indulged in fourteen banana-flavoured tacos. "Be sure to thank your friendly neighbourhood Spidey-Boi!"

Charmy looked at the state of Vector's reptilian nose. He drew close and then drew his rifle. He fired away like one hitting with the best shot. "I want tough cookies with long histories!"

Espio saw this from the corner of the window sill in which most secrets were kept from humanity. "Charmy and Vector are creatures," he said with the icy coolness of seven rumps per tuchus.

Charmy reloaded his rifle and aimed at the toucan next door. "Hello, Toucan Sam!" he said with the cranking tofu.

Espio procured the tofu and stuck it into his molar location. His chewing amplified the fortitude of goodness.

"So, I've heard…" Vector mumbled as he took out his playing cards. He laid the deuce upon Espio's chair.

"No, do not do that," said Espio, eyeing the cruel deed. He walked to the planet over there. He returned with a gallon of John Travolta's hair gel.

"Gimme," said Charmy. He took of the hair gel and did his antennae like a prime studlord. Stuff was lookin' spiffy as if all peace had been achieved for the aeons.

"Look at that," said Espio. He was feeling the remarkable achievements in his strongest toe. He removed his angry shoes and flexed his ten-foot toe for all to see.

That's when the can opened without any aid of can opener. Things were getting awfully hectic in the Chaotix household.

"Hello, boyz!" snickered Eggman as he fatted his way into the home with his brand new sportscar. He got two potato chips and named them Sigmund and Kevin.

Vector got really, really mad at the sight of the chaos and did an impressive dropping onto the doctor's nose.

"My nose," said Eggman, feeling his immense punishment. Heroes always win, so do not be villainous.

"Let that be a lesson to ya!" said Vector. He turned on his portable granola bar and rode to the Himalayas. He ate snocones with the abominable snow dude and also found Mike and Sully playing dumpling games.

"What is that dumpling?" asked Vector to the monsters.

"It is the single one that Po Ping has never pried from my cold dead hands," seethed Mike with his Wazowski rage. His single eye was tearing up due to intense manly passion.

Sully began to cry as well because he desperately missed the toad outta Boo and Mr. Waternoose.

Charmy and Espio arrived via their mighty bobsled to pick up their crocodile manager. "Do not fret, Vex," said the bee with his attractive antennae braided like nobody's biz.

"Yes, I can see you with my own eyeball," said Vector, using the Force to make it snow on Espio's giant toe because we are still on that subject for some reason.

"Even to this very day, I cannot recall my pet walrus's name," said Espio. He looked into his heart-shaped medallion. He remembered the glory days of rocking disco with Fleetwood Mac. He knew all the words.

Eggman was found dead at your house last Tuesday and everybody cried and went to the funeral. Sonic did not come because he hated Eggman's fat stomach. Also Sonic was anti-stomach ever since the rupture in Tails's spleen.

"How is your spleen," Vector asked the foxboy at the cocktail party.

Tails looked at his second rear. "Do you see that I have twice the attention grabber, Vector?" said he.

"I do, but I refuse to acknowledge it because I find two butts repulsive," said Vector. He was so offensive tonight, but it was only because he and Jorge the Electric Eel had a falling out at Sandy Bay from Lego Racers 2 for Microsoft Windows XP on your local network.

Then there was an old man. He and his dog walked the old land and touched flowers for some reason. Charmy was that very same man, but he had to sell the dog in order to pay off the mortgage.

"I know how you feel, Charmy boy," said Espio with loving hearts in his deep purple soul. "I had a pet walrus and now he is very not here anymore."

Charmy wept and wept into his massive biceps. He had been working out since the war in France. The war started due to the harsh climate that killed half the cornstalks near Paris.

"Stop cryin'!" snapped Vector and he snapped his snaps.

Espio gasped at the snapping as auditory noise is famous for being disruptive to many an ear.

"Vector, stop and learn love!" said Charmy. He took twelve.

"Stop! No more twelves!" said Vector. He then learned to play the bagpipes like a total righteous booty-haver.

Espio winked at the crocodilian rear. "These cheeses satisfy my chameleon algorithms!" he cheered into the night skies.

"Aye, Espio," replied the night skies.

And then Espio gained favour from the high spirits and also from his best friend from oboe class.

Charmy continued to work out his saucy muscles. He won two whole dollars for his feats of hotness. He donated all of his earnings to charity and got a really cool comb in which to style and finesse on ugly people like George Costanza.

**THE END**


End file.
